5 years ago today, I had brain surgery to remove a pesky chordoma tumor. Today is Tumor Free Day + 5 years. Hooray!!! Life is good!

I took my initial situp test today, wherein you are supposed to do as many good situps (crunches, really) in a row as you can. I did 36, but I am not convinced the last few can really be considered good... So that puts me firmly in the Poor category for my age. No surprise there! :) In six weeks, though... Sit-Up Fiend!

Somewhat akin to being a dancing queen, I am going to become a Sit-up Fiend. Inspired by trishadiva, I am taking the 200 Situps Challenge. Who else will join us?

So I'm not sure why, but I decided I wanted to try meditating. I researched a little bit online about how to do it, and what you are supposed to do, and figured the best thing to do would be to just try it out. So tonight I did. I don't think I'm very good at it. I kept giggling, and once, Abby Cat jumped on me, which didn't help my focus at all. But every time I realized my mind was wandering, I tried to return my focus to my breathing. I guess I do feel a little more relaxed and calm. But I don't think I'll be having any transcendental experiences any time soon. I'll try again tomorrow night, I suppose.

( The Exercise )

( The Mental State )

( The Exercise )

( The Mental State )

The Rules:

1. Leave me a comment saying you want to do the meme.


2. I'll respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better.


3. You should update your LJ with the answers to the questions.


4. You should include this explanation and offer to ask someone else in the post.


5. When others comment asking to be asked, you will ask them five questions.

I know I still owe some people questions, and I still owe answers to at least thealiwoman. Do I owe anyone else answers?

( The Questions )

( Weights & Measures )

( The Exercise )

( The Mental State )

( Weights & Measures )

( The Exercise )

( The Mental State )

"It" being the New Beth Initiative. Version 2.0. Version 1.0 lived on a website that no longer exists. Suffice it to say that it was what I called my efforts to live a healthier lifestyle, lose weight, and exercise more. I did pretty well that time (lost 60 pounds and rode in the Bike to the Bay in 2001), until I didn't anymore. I've tried to get back on track a few times since then, but I think neither my head nor my heart were in it. I've regained all that weight twice over, and last week, my doctor told me I have diabetes. And I did that to myself. So now I've got to undo that to myself. I've got three months to get my sugar under control, becasue so help me if I'm going to start taking sugar medicine on top of all the other medicine I have to take, and so help me if I'm going to prick my finger four times a day to test my sugar levels. I say NO!

First day of Fall. New leaf. New Beth Initiative 2.0.

Sinus and loose screw removal surgery went well. Only a little bit sore, and home again already.

However, I didn't think about the fact that I would be pretty limited in what I can eat, and that even a one night hospital stay can really wear you out. I have to cancel my planned seder for this week. I just can't handle it right now. Even though I have Friday off. I think I'm going to still be recuperating and sleeping!

So, no seder this year, but there are many years to come.

Life has been busy, but in a good way!

I have been working rediculous hours at work, and though the amount of time I'm spending there isn't fun, the work itself is interesting, so I haven't felt the need to blow up quite yet... All signs point to this 60 hour a week schedule continuing through the end of June, after which I may be doing a bit of traveling for the training of our Sales force. That is fun, but tiring, too.

Over the weekend, I bought a brand new 2006 Ford Fusion V6 SEL in Titanium Green. I L-O-V-E it!

It turns out I have a screw loose. (But didn't we know that already?) It seems that one of the titanium screws from my brain surgery has got an infection around it, and it's right near my sinuses, and it's probably why I've been so miserably sick all winter. Dr. Constantino, the ENT involved with my brain surgery, is going to remove the offending screw and a part of the titanium plate on April 6, as well as doing some additional work to open up my sinus passages. It is not nearly as big a deal as the brain surgery was, of course, and I will be glad to be able to breathe normally again. I'll be in the hospital just one night, and only because I am coming from out-of-town. It should be pretty simple.

I'd like to start having Friday night Shabbat dinners at my house around 8 pm. Realistically, I should wait until after April 7, because I need to do some serious work on my kitchen if I'm going to have people over for a meal, and I just don't have much free time between now and when I'll be in the hospital. But consider this as an invitation if you are interested. Ness, I'll keep 'em super-kosher for you :)

I think, for now, that's it! Au revoir!

We have started a new community called sundaymorphosis to help us track our weekly progress towards our goals. Mine is to lose weight and become healthier. Please stop by and join us if you have a goal to meet, too!

I don't have to go to Boston for Proton Beam radiation!

Full details can be found on my web page:

1. Visit http://www.TheStatus.com/
   
2. Click on Visit a Patient Page
   
3. Use Last Name Finn and Password april8
   

And now, back to my regularly scheduled life :)

So Thursday afternoon, I get a call from Dr. Sen's assistant Maria. She tells me that she's getting together my films and reports to send to Dr. Liebsch. I say, "You mean they haven't been sent yet?" And she tells me that they will go out that day and Dr. Liebsch should have them by Monday. Argh! So basically I have a whole wasted week behind me, but at least it is behind me. Here's hoping that I hear something Monday evening :)

In other news, I've been doing well with my pledge to do some exercise every day. Tuesday, I walked briefly with Rob. Wednesday I skipped, but I made up for it on Thursday by walking in the mall with Liz and then going to dance class. Yesterday Rob and I went to the driving range again. I'm not nearly as sore today as I was last time. That's good!

My left ear is hurting. I hope I'm not getting an ear infection. That would suck.

For those of you who may not have heard, I went to what I had hoped was the final visit in this brain tumor saga of mine this past Tuesday. While there, Dr. Sen looked at my recent MRI scans and said they looked quite excellent, as clean as we could hope them to be. However, to decide about sending me for radiation in Boston, he wants to consult with Dr. Liebsch, the radiation oncologist in Boston. I don't resent this consultation at all, but I had called a few weeks before my appointment to see if I should get an extra set of films to send to Dr. Liebsch. I was told it wasn't necessary. Ah well, what's a few more days? Hopefully I will know something definite in the next day or two.

I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that I won't have to have radiation for two big reasons. First, since Dr. Sen removed the bone that the tumor was growing from, I'm hoping there's not really anything there to radiate. Second, if we use radiation now, it's gone from our bag of tricks for the future should this tumor come back. Once you have proton beam, you can't have it again. Too much radiation for one person in a lifetime. So maybe we'll decide to wait to see what happens.

If I don't go for radiation, I will just follow-up with Dr. Sen annually with MRIs to keep an eye on the area and make sure the little bugger isn't coming back. I need to find out the statistics on that happening.

Dr. Constantino, the ENT, was also pleased with my progress and thinks the insides of my nose are healing nicely. I will have a follow-up appointment with him in 6 months. Even though the radiologist who read my MRI thought I had chronic sinusitis, Dr. C. assures me that the inflammation is just from the surgery and will eventually go away.

I must call St. Luke's-Roosevelt Hospital and get a copy of my complete medical records and itemized bill of all charges. According to their patient's Bill of Rights, I am entitled to these things and I want them not only for my own records, but just as a matter of curiosity. I am desperately curious to know how much this whole brain surgery thing costs.

And P.S. I still haven't gone back to work because I need to know if I am going to Boston or not first. I'm a very anxious girl...

Perhaps I am tempting fate by writing this the evening before my MRI, but a significant part of me feels as if I have cheated the system. I am certianly not complaining about the ease with which I have sailed through my brain surgery and recovery. But so many people I have met and read about who have had brain surgery, tumors, etc., have had it much worse than I have. And my surgery was supposed to be one of the riskiest of them all.

We found my tumor early enough for me to have the luxury of doing extensive research.

I had no symptoms before my surgery.

The surgery itself went faster than expected.

The surgeon thinks he was able to remove all of the tumor.

My recovery in the hospital was swift and relatively pain free.

My time with my parents and at my own house has been a breeze.

I've had no symptoms post-surgery, either.

I have no visible scars from the surgery.

The fact that I even had brain surgery at all is very surreal to me. I hardly believe it, even when I read the surgical report. And yet, my life has been on hold for nearly a year because of this. I am so completely ready to move on. I am going to cry a lot if they tell me I have to go to Boston for 9 weeks.

I've found myself with some down time, due to the fact that I can't go back to work yet, following my brain surgery. I have a lot of projects I'm working on. I always have better follow-through when I am organized. Here's the list, in no particular order:

1. I'm learning Italian. I am trying to do one lesson each morning. So far, I've covered Basics, Basic Phrases, and Transportation Nouns. The problem with learning a language from a CD is that I have no idea how any of these words are spelled, so I may have trouble reading and writing them. I need to remedy that...
   
   
2. Finish cleaning my house. I've made very little progress on this since I got back from my parents' house. I haven't even finished unpacking yet.
   
   
3. Become a smoothie making expert. I love smoothies, and I have been making them most days for breakfast. And I'm making them in a healthy way, not in a calorie-laden way.
   
   
4. Get back on track with eating right and exercising. I've lost 16 pounds since I went to the hospital, and I intend to keep it up. I've been cooking at home much more than I used to (which is much easier when I have a clean and organized kitchen), and I have been trying to do some walking every day. I am not yet allowed to exercise fully.
   
   
5. I've been reading a lot of books. I love to read, and I think I have spent more time reading than anything else. If you have the time, check out The Rule of Four by Ian Caldwell and Dustin Thomason. It's a great story, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Plus, I went to high school with them, so that's kind of cool.
   
   
6. Finish my cork board. Those of you who have ever been around me when a bottle of wine or champagne is opened know that I always keep the corks. This is because I have this vision of making a cork board out of them. I finally started putting that together today, and if I don't finish it tomorrow, I will have no where to eat dinner because it is spread out all over my kitchen table.
   
   
7. Finish various crochet projects. While I was at my parents' house, I made three baby blankets and a very cool scarf for my mom for Mother's Day. I am more than halfway through the blanket I am making for Rob, and then the line for blankets is long: Dave, my mom, my brother, and probably others that I have forgotten by now. Plus, I bought yarn for all kinds of scarves for myself and for gifts. In a similar vein, I have a needlepoint piece I have been working on for the Albans for a long time, and it would be good to make some progress on that.
   
   
8. Write an inspirational book about my experiences with facing adversity. Perhaps I should join shellefly's Sunday morning write-ins. I don't generally use that time for anything more productive. I think I even have a title: All My Light Bulbs. See if you can figure out why...
   
   
9. Start volunteering again. I don't know if I will have too much time to devote to the shelter once I go back to work, but I know they could use my help now at the height of kitten season.
   
   
10. Maintain a regular sleep schedule. Ever since my surgery, I haven't been sleeping 100% well. I tried taking some sleeping pills a few nights, but they left me needing naps the next day, and I never take naps. I didn't even do it when I was a kid. But keeping to a normal schedule is what will let me have productive days. I'm not doing well with this one tonight.
    
    
11. Do some gardening. For each of the weeds that alannariva and I pulled from my flower beds before my surgery, two more have grown in their place. I need to take care of them, and plant some flowers that are sitting on my porch.
    

I know there are more things on my list, but this will do for now.

Good night!

Just a quick note to say thanks to everyone who has been checking on me, sending cards, e-mail, etc. It's really helped to keep my spirits up! My surgery went extremely well, and I am currently spending some time recovering at my parents' house in Northern Virginia. I'm going home to Delaware next weekend, most likely. I have a lot of LJ catching up to do, but I'll get there :) More information about my surgery and recovery so far can be found on a web page I created. To access it:

1. Go to http://www.TheStatus.com/
   
2. Click on Visit a Patient Page
   
3. Use Last Name Finn and password april8
   

There is lots and lots of information there, so feel free to read as much or as little as you would like.

I have just finished reading Lance Armstrong's book It's Not About the Bike, My Journey Back to Life, and I have decided that I am just like Lance.

I have admired him for some time now for a number of reasons. He is an incredible athlete; I have some interest in cycling; he accomplished amazing things after defeating extremely severe cancer. But I didn't understand just how much he has overcome until I finished reading his book. Lance doesn't pull any punches when he is talking about cancer, chemotherapy, or his feelings during his whole experience with it and recovering from it. He is blunt, brutal, and honest throughout the book. I almost didn't continue after reading the first chapter because I was afraid it would be too grizzly for me, expecially considering that I will be having brain surgery myself in 12 days. But I am glad that I did continue on and finish the book. Lance's situation is much worse than mine is, and he went through treatments that mine will not even come close to. I cannot imagine the physical agony that he described as a result of his chemotherapy treatments. His situation was dire, and he managed to not only survive it, but to also thrive afterwards, achieving more in a few short years than many people achieve in a lifetime. I can do that, too.

Almost since the beginning, I have been saying that I don't want this tumor to define the rest of my life, that once my surgery and radiation are done with, I don't want to think about it anymore. I want to move on and accomplish the great things that I know I am destined to do. Lance Armstrong, though, defines himself completely in terms of his cancer. He says that the old Lance died the day he was diagnosed, and the new Lance was born from the trials of fighting the disease. I'm still not sure that this tumor will be my re-creation (I think I have many of the qualities and much of the insight he gained through treatment already), but I think I should reconsider ignoring its impact completely. I have been saying all along that all of my issues (particularly those related to food) are contained in the tumor, and once it is removed, I will be perfect. Making healthy decisions will come easily to me, and I will lose the weight I need to in order to be healthy and thin. That in itself is incredibly empowering, mentally, and maybe that's what the tumor is giving me.

Lance also says that if he had to pick between cancer and winning the Tour de France, he would pick cancer, because living through that disease is what taught him what he now knows about life. I don't know what I will accomplish once I am finished with my tumor, but I am not sure I would make the same choice as he does. This has been a horrible speed bump in my life, and I don't yet know if I will be irreversibly changed because of it. I do know that I can handle this, and perhaps it happened to me because am strong enough to take it. Not everyone would be. Because I am the one in five million to have this tumor, someone else less able to deal with it doesn't have to. If that is my contribution to the world, if that is G-d's reasoning for why I am the one to have this tumor, then so be it. I can deal with that. I gave a unit of blood for myself on Tuesday so that if I needed it, it would be one less unit from the general supply that would have to be used for me. It's all the same thing. I have the capacity and strength to come through this with flying colors. And I will.

The final reason I am like Lance Armstrong is because we both face a challenge the same way. He says, "But if there is one thing I don't want to hear, it's that I can't do something. Telling me that is the best way to make sure I'll do it." I've been saying that for years.