( Weights & Measures )

( The Exercise )

( The Mental State )

( Weights & Measures )

( The Exercise )

( The Mental State )

( Weights & Measures )

( The Exercise )

( The Mental State )

"It" being the New Beth Initiative. Version 2.0. Version 1.0 lived on a website that no longer exists. Suffice it to say that it was what I called my efforts to live a healthier lifestyle, lose weight, and exercise more. I did pretty well that time (lost 60 pounds and rode in the Bike to the Bay in 2001), until I didn't anymore. I've tried to get back on track a few times since then, but I think neither my head nor my heart were in it. I've regained all that weight twice over, and last week, my doctor told me I have diabetes. And I did that to myself. So now I've got to undo that to myself. I've got three months to get my sugar under control, becasue so help me if I'm going to start taking sugar medicine on top of all the other medicine I have to take, and so help me if I'm going to prick my finger four times a day to test my sugar levels. I say NO!

First day of Fall. New leaf. New Beth Initiative 2.0.

We have started a new community called sundaymorphosis to help us track our weekly progress towards our goals. Mine is to lose weight and become healthier. Please stop by and join us if you have a goal to meet, too!

So Thursday afternoon, I get a call from Dr. Sen's assistant Maria. She tells me that she's getting together my films and reports to send to Dr. Liebsch. I say, "You mean they haven't been sent yet?" And she tells me that they will go out that day and Dr. Liebsch should have them by Monday. Argh! So basically I have a whole wasted week behind me, but at least it is behind me. Here's hoping that I hear something Monday evening :)

In other news, I've been doing well with my pledge to do some exercise every day. Tuesday, I walked briefly with Rob. Wednesday I skipped, but I made up for it on Thursday by walking in the mall with Liz and then going to dance class. Yesterday Rob and I went to the driving range again. I'm not nearly as sore today as I was last time. That's good!

My left ear is hurting. I hope I'm not getting an ear infection. That would suck.

Oh, and I forgot to mention previously:

I think I am going to start a food filter or maybe a separate journal, at passingfancy's wise suggestion about picking that habit back up. I used to keep a journal here. Let me know if you want to read. I might say no, but don't take it personally. It's not you, it's me.

I've found myself with some down time, due to the fact that I can't go back to work yet, following my brain surgery. I have a lot of projects I'm working on. I always have better follow-through when I am organized. Here's the list, in no particular order:

1. I'm learning Italian. I am trying to do one lesson each morning. So far, I've covered Basics, Basic Phrases, and Transportation Nouns. The problem with learning a language from a CD is that I have no idea how any of these words are spelled, so I may have trouble reading and writing them. I need to remedy that...
   
   
2. Finish cleaning my house. I've made very little progress on this since I got back from my parents' house. I haven't even finished unpacking yet.
   
   
3. Become a smoothie making expert. I love smoothies, and I have been making them most days for breakfast. And I'm making them in a healthy way, not in a calorie-laden way.
   
   
4. Get back on track with eating right and exercising. I've lost 16 pounds since I went to the hospital, and I intend to keep it up. I've been cooking at home much more than I used to (which is much easier when I have a clean and organized kitchen), and I have been trying to do some walking every day. I am not yet allowed to exercise fully.
   
   
5. I've been reading a lot of books. I love to read, and I think I have spent more time reading than anything else. If you have the time, check out The Rule of Four by Ian Caldwell and Dustin Thomason. It's a great story, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Plus, I went to high school with them, so that's kind of cool.
   
   
6. Finish my cork board. Those of you who have ever been around me when a bottle of wine or champagne is opened know that I always keep the corks. This is because I have this vision of making a cork board out of them. I finally started putting that together today, and if I don't finish it tomorrow, I will have no where to eat dinner because it is spread out all over my kitchen table.
   
   
7. Finish various crochet projects. While I was at my parents' house, I made three baby blankets and a very cool scarf for my mom for Mother's Day. I am more than halfway through the blanket I am making for Rob, and then the line for blankets is long: Dave, my mom, my brother, and probably others that I have forgotten by now. Plus, I bought yarn for all kinds of scarves for myself and for gifts. In a similar vein, I have a needlepoint piece I have been working on for the Albans for a long time, and it would be good to make some progress on that.
   
   
8. Write an inspirational book about my experiences with facing adversity. Perhaps I should join shellefly's Sunday morning write-ins. I don't generally use that time for anything more productive. I think I even have a title: All My Light Bulbs. See if you can figure out why...
   
   
9. Start volunteering again. I don't know if I will have too much time to devote to the shelter once I go back to work, but I know they could use my help now at the height of kitten season.
   
   
10. Maintain a regular sleep schedule. Ever since my surgery, I haven't been sleeping 100% well. I tried taking some sleeping pills a few nights, but they left me needing naps the next day, and I never take naps. I didn't even do it when I was a kid. But keeping to a normal schedule is what will let me have productive days. I'm not doing well with this one tonight.
    
    
11. Do some gardening. For each of the weeds that alannariva and I pulled from my flower beds before my surgery, two more have grown in their place. I need to take care of them, and plant some flowers that are sitting on my porch.
    

I know there are more things on my list, but this will do for now.

Good night!

I saw Eytan for lunch yesterday. That was nice. We argued about whether his company had adequate Business Continuity plans in place. It was fun. I'm taking to heart the whole "Every SunGard employee is a salesperson" thing.

I miss Eytan sometimes. He's the first person I met at Delaware who I still talk to. And we did have a lot of fun dancing together, even if we weren't ever going to be championship material. The day I met him in Freshman Biochem Seminar, I called my mother and told her I had met a nice Jewish boy who went to Bronx Science. It's still true, isn't it? He and I and my parents had lunch at the Carnegie Deli, where they give you one sandwich worth of bread, and four sandwiches worth of filling. But it's restaurant week in New York, and lots of places are having specials. Carnegie's was 2 sandwiches for $20.04. That's a good deal at Carnegie's. I ordered Jewish salami on pumpernickel. Pumpernickel = good choice. Salami = bad choice. But how often do you get to go to the Carnegie Deli anyway? I brought some half-sour pickles home for Rob.

Speaking of dancing and Rob, we have our showcase coming up in just ten days. I think we will be ready, but I cannot say the same for our costumes. We shall see what Bonnie brings to class tonight. I hope it is a red skirt with fishing line sewn into the hem. That would make me inordinately happy. It's the little things, you know.

I hate headaches. I hate headaches. I hate headaches. I hate headaches. I hate headaches. I hate headaches. I hate headaches. I hate headaches. I hate headaches. I hate headaches.

And now my doctor wants me to get a brain MRI. It sounds creepy to me. Anything medical having to do with brains sounds creepy to me. And all I can think of is the scene in Harry Potter # 5 where Ron gets attacked by the brains in the green potion in the tank. (Sorry if I've ruined anyhting for you, but I figure the people who care that much have had plenty of time to read it already...) And it's scary, even though logically I know it shouldn't be. You just lie down in the tube and they take pictures inside your head. And I'm not afraid of getting it done. I'm afraid of what it might say. But in all reality, it's probably nothing. That's what the doctor thinks. I'm sure she's right. It might be cool to see pictures of my brain, too. They'll probably just confirm that my head is too chock full of information, and I need to get rid of some of it. R says I need a penseive. I think he's right.

Plus, I have gained 6 pounds in two days, which I know cannot possibly be fat. It must be water or glycogen, which doesn't really count. But it's still disturbing. Maybe I have a six pound tumor in my head.

So I have been in a very cranky mood lately. I blame it on the weather, which I believe is fully responsible for my continual sinus headaches this past week. In a mixed blessing, I am used to having headaches, so I don't generally let them get to me. But this week has been rediculous. And any kind of activity that elevates my heart rate/increases my blood pressure makes the headache worse. Strenuous activity makes me want to cry. It makes it really hard to exercise when my head feels like it will explode every time I do it. Which brings me to my second point of crankiness, which involves my lack of ability to lose weight anymore. I am so tired of being so good and seeing no results. I just want to be thin already. It's so tiring to constantly be thinking about my weight. I am supposed to be thinking about what I am eating every time I put a bite of food in my mouth. And as much as it should be second nature to me to make the healthy choice, if I am not actively thinking about doing that, I feel like I am purposefully making the bad choice, just to sabotage myself. Sometimes, I actively think about the fact that I am supposed to be making a healthy choice and then I actively determine that I don't care and eat crummy stuff anyway. It really used to be so easy. And I'm tired of lamenting about how easy it used to be, too. I need to kick myself in the butt. No one else can do it for me. I am no inspiration right now.

*Grumble grumble grumble*

So I got this new (well, new to me) elliptical machine. My goal is to use it everyday for at least 30 minutes. So far I have been doing well. I used it Tuesday and Thursday this week. Wednesday doesn't count because we have dance class. Rob says that he wants to start going to the gym in the mornings, and that's just fine with me!

So I have been told by shellefly that I should have an online journal. I used to keep my own weightloss journal, but I am too busy to keep it updated anymore. Maybe this will be easier to take care of. I don't know if I'll post weightloss stuff here like I did there, but one can never tell. I have no plan, I have no goals, at least not for this particular Journal :)